What can be charged
Perverting the course of justice carries a maximum of life imprisonment. Perjury — lying under oath — carries up to seven years. Wasting police time is a separate offence again.
Be a better man. And know where to turn.
This is a site for men who want to be better at this — better partners, better fathers, better to themselves — and a place to find help fast when life goes badly wrong. Both things, on the same page, because they were never separate.
Real men, real words
You are not the only one.
Every man here agreed to be filmed. They talk about the worst of it and about what got them through. Nothing plays until you press it.
Some of these are hard to watch. If you're having a bad day, ring Samaritans on 116 123 first and come back to this later.
Worth your time
People who explain this better than we can.
Talks, interviews and counsellors we rate, pulled from YouTube. Nothing loads until you press play, and nobody here has paid to be on this list.
These are other people's channels. We link them because they're useful, not because we agree with everything on them.
Marriage
Keeping one going.
Counsellors and men thirty years in, on the unglamorous work of staying married.
Hero of the week
One man worth knowing about.
Someone doing something for other men. Changes every week.
Who else is out there
You are not short of places to turn.
Every one of these is a real organisation with people who answer the phone.
01 — False allegations
Accused? Say nothing until you've read this.
A false allegation can take your job, your home and your children before anyone has proved a thing. There are steps that make an enormous difference, and most men get them wrong in the first day.
Know this first
Lying to the police is a criminal offence.
A deliberately false allegation is not a grey area in law. People have gone to prison for it. That matters to any man sitting in a cell wondering whether the truth counts for anything — it does, and there is a process behind it.
Offences for False Allegations
Life
Maximum sentence for perverting the course of justice.
Common law offence — CPS legal guidance7 years
Maximum sentence for perjury — lying under oath.
Perjury Act 1911, section 16 months
Maximum for wasting police time, plus a fine.
Criminal Law Act 1967, section 5(2)2023
Sentencing Council guideline for perverting the course of justice came into force.
Sentencing Council, England & WalesA maximum is not a typical sentence. Courts work from the Sentencing Council guideline, which starts at a community order for the least serious cases and rises with the harm caused — how long someone was under investigation, whether they were arrested, charged, or held on remand. Consent to prosecute for perverting the course of justice comes from the CPS, not from you.
THE OFFENCES
HOW IT WORKS
It is the CPS who decide
Not you, and not your solicitor. Prosecutions of false complainants are brought by the Crown Prosecution Service under their own published guidance, and they are uncommon.
BEING REALISTIC
Acquittal is not the same as proof of a lie
A case dropped or a not-guilty verdict means the allegation was not proved. That is not the same as proving it was invented, and the CPS treat those as different questions.
WHAT TO DO
Say it through your solicitor
If you believe an allegation is deliberately false, that goes to your legal team, in writing, with your evidence. Never to her, never online, and never through a third party.
Where we stand
If an allegation against you was deliberately false, we will help you push for a prosecution.
Not with threats and not on social media — through the proper route, which is the one that actually works. We will help you find a solicitor who does this work, get your evidence and your timeline into order, put a complaint to the police, and keep pushing when it goes quiet. Lying to the police is a crime and it should be treated as one.
One word of caution, and it matters. Telling her yourself that you will have her prosecuted can be treated as witness intimidation or harassment, and it will damage your own case. Whatever you are certain of, it goes through your solicitor and nowhere else.
The first 48 hours
What to do today.
FIRST 48 HOURS
Get a solicitor before you speak
Do not give an account, a text, or a "quick chat" to anyone before you have legal representation. You have the right to free legal advice at a police station, day or night.
EVIDENCE
Preserve everything, delete nothing
Back up messages, call logs, location history and diary entries to somewhere off your phone. Deleting looks like guilt even when it isn't.
CHILDREN
Keep every contact on record
Log every arranged handover, every cancellation, every message. A contemporaneous record is worth more in family court than memory.
YOURSELF
Tell one person today
Isolation is the thing that kills men in this position. Pick one person and tell them what's happening, tonight.
In their own words
Men who came out the other side.
Nothing plays until you press it.
Find a solicitor
Firms that defend men properly.
Listings are vetted by us and free. A firm appearing here is not an endorsement of outcome — always check them on the Law Society register.
Parental alienation & contact
Groups that will stand with you.
CONTACT WITH CHILDREN
Families Need Fathers
Shared parenting charity. Local branch meetings, helpline and court-process guidance for separated parents.
fnf.org.uk →
MEN'S SUPPORT
ManKind Initiative
Confidential helpline for men facing domestic abuse and related family issues.
01823 334244 →
MEN'S SUPPORT
Men's Advice Line
Advice and emotional support for men experiencing abuse from a partner.
0808 8010 327 →
FALSE ACCUSATIONS
Support directory
Organisations working with people facing false or historic allegations, plus mediation and McKenzie Friend services.
Open the directory →02 — Male suicide
Three quarters of the people who take their own lives in this country are men.
3 in 4
UK suicides are men.
ONS, England & Wales, 2023Under 50
Suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 50 in the UK.
ONS / Samaritans1 in 3
Roughly a third of people starting NHS talking therapies are men.
NHS Talking Therapies reportSeparation
Separated and divorced men are at substantially higher risk than men who are not.
Peer-reviewed researchNo single event causes a suicide. But relationship breakdown, losing contact with children, an allegation hanging over you, and having nobody to tell show up again and again in the weeks before. Those are the parts we can work on.
03 — Armed forces & veterans
You were trained to carry it. Nobody trained you to put it down.
Discipline, silence and getting on with it keep you alive in uniform. They wreck you afterwards. There is treatment built specifically for veterans in this country, it's free, and you can refer yourself — no chain of command, no unit finding out.
1 in 17
Serving personnel meet the criteria for PTSD.
King's Centre for Military Health Research1 in 6
Ex-serving personnel who deployed in a combat role.
KCMHR Health & Wellbeing studyYears
Delayed onset is normal. Symptoms often surface long after discharge.
Combat StressFree
Op COURAGE is NHS-funded, veteran-specific, and takes self-referrals.
NHS England
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
It isn't always flashbacks
Sleeping in the chair. Sitting where you can see the door. Rage that arrives from nowhere and leaves you ashamed. Drinking to get down. Feeling nothing at your own kid's birthday.
AT HOME
It lands on your family first
Partners usually notice years before the veteran does. That isn't her nagging. It's the earliest useful information you're going to get.
THE MYTH
Asking doesn't end your career
Still serving? Medical confidentiality applies to you as it does to anyone. A downgrade is not automatic, and treatment is far more likely to keep you in than push you out.
IT WORKS
PTSD is treatable
Trauma-focused CBT and EMDR have strong evidence behind them, including for combat trauma decades old. This is not something you have to live with permanently.
What it actually is
PTSD, in plain terms.
Post-traumatic stress disorder is not weakness and it is not a character flaw. It is what happens when the part of your brain that handles danger stays switched on after the danger has gone. It is a recognised medical condition with recognised treatments, and it responds to them.
RE-LIVING IT
Flashbacks and nightmares
Not always cinematic. Often a smell, a noise, a road layout, and suddenly your body is back there while you are stood in a supermarket.
ON GUARD
Never standing down
Sitting where you can see the door. Scanning rooftops. Sleeping in the chair. Startling at a dropped plate and feeling ashamed about it afterwards.
AVOIDING
Steering round it
Not talking about it, not going to reunions, keeping busy, drinking to get down. It works for a while, which is exactly the problem.
FEELING
Numb, or furious, or both
Nothing at your own kid's birthday. Rage from nowhere at a queue. Guilt about who came home and who did not.
TIMING
It can arrive years later
Delayed onset is common and normal. Plenty of men are fine for a decade after discharge and then find it surfaces when life goes quiet, or when something else knocks them.
COMPLEX PTSD
When it went on for years
Repeated or prolonged trauma can leave something broader: problems with mood, self-worth and relationships as well as the flashbacks. It has its own treatment path.
It is treatable
This is not something you have to live with.
TALKING TREATMENT
Trauma-focused CBT
Usually 8 to 12 sessions, working directly on the memory rather than around it. NICE recommends it as a first-line treatment for PTSD.
TALKING TREATMENT
EMDR
Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing. It sounds odd and the evidence behind it is strong, including for combat trauma decades old.
MEDICATION
Sometimes, alongside
Antidepressants can help with sleep, mood and the edge, usually as support for talking therapy rather than instead of it. A GP conversation, not a decision to make alone.
WHAT TO EXPECT
Worse before better, then better
Going near it stirs it up for a few weeks. Every veteran who has been through it will tell you the same thing: stay in past that point.
You can refer yourself to Op COURAGE in England without going through your GP, and Combat Stress will take a call tonight on 0800 138 1619 wherever in the UK you are.
In their own words
Men who served, talking straight.
Nothing plays until you press it. Combat Stress 0800 138 1619 · Samaritans 116 123.
Where to go
Every route, one place.
Op COURAGE
NHS veterans' serviceEngland. Self-referral or via your GP. Staffed by people who have served or worked with the forces.
Combat Stress
0800 138 161924-hour helpline for veterans and their families. Also open to serving personnel.
SSAFA Forcesline
0800 731 4880Confidential and independent of the chain of command. Serving, ex-serving and families.
Royal British Legion
0808 802 8080Practical help — money, housing, benefits, care. Often the thing sitting underneath it.
Scotland, Wales, NI
Veterans First PointScotland: Veterans First Point. Wales: Veterans' NHS Wales. Northern Ireland: Inspire.
Op COURAGE covers England. If you served and you're struggling anywhere in the UK, Combat Stress will take your call tonight and point you at the right door.
04 — The Gentlemen’s Guide 2026/27
Thirty-seven things nobody sat you down and explained.
Three parts. Meeting someone — consent, touch and reading the room, including the fact that none of it stops at marriage. How to speak — listening, replying properly, and the habits that decide whether people feel safe around you. And living well together — doing things as a pair, backing each other’s goals and setting one you share, surprising her, and the domestic work most men were never shown. Every point ends with one thing to try tonight.
For men of every age — seventeen and working out how to ask someone out, or sixty and starting again. Not a lecture and not a pick-up course. Free, no email required, yours to keep or pass on.
Print it, put it in a drawer, give it to your son when he’s old enough. It works better on paper than on a screen.
05 — Domestic abuse
Most of it is done by men, to women. That's the part we have to own.
There's no honest way to write a men's site and skirt this. The overwhelming majority of domestic abuse in this country is committed by men against women, and it is the single worst thing a man can do inside his own home. Men are also abused — by women and by male partners — and there's help here for them too, further down. But the weight of this section sits where the harm sits.
1 in 4
Women in England and Wales experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.
ONS, Crime Survey for England & Wales2 a week
Women killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales.
ONS homicide statistics1 in 6
Men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. It is under-reported and under-served.
ONS, Crime Survey for England & WalesOffence
Coercive and controlling behaviour is a criminal offence in its own right.
Serious Crime Act 2015Know what it actually is
It is not only hitting.
CONTROL
Deciding for her
Who she sees, what she wears, where she goes, what she's allowed to spend. Framed as caring, working as a cage.
MONEY
Financial control
Her wages going into your account. An allowance. Debt taken out in her name. Being kept unable to leave.
FEAR
Punching walls
You never touched her, and she flinched anyway. Damage, shouting, driving fast to frighten — all of it is violence in the room.
SURVEILLANCE
Checking her phone
Location sharing you insisted on. Reading her messages. Ringing to check where she is. Monitoring is abuse, not reassurance.
PRESSURE
Wearing her down
Sulking until she gives in on sex. Pressure isn't consent, and marriage never changed that.
AFTERWARDS
Making it her fault
Apologies that arrive with a reason she caused it. The cycle is part of the abuse, not the repair.
The hard question
Do you recognise yourself in any of that?
Then you are not beyond help, and you are not a lost cause — but you do have to act, and telling yourself she provokes it is the thing standing in the way. Respect run a confidential line for men who are worried about their own behaviour. Ringing it is the most respectable thing a man in that position can do, and it stays between you and them.
Respect Phoneline
0808 802 4040For men worried about how they behave towards a partner. Confidential, non-judgemental, and it works.
If a mate is doing it
0808 802 4040Say something to him. Silence from his friends is what tells him it's normal.
Change programmes
respectphoneline.org.ukAccredited behaviour-change programmes across the UK. You can self-refer without a court telling you to.
If you are being abused
Men get hurt too, and get believed less.
Men are a minority of victims and are far less likely to report it, be recognised, or find a refuge place. If that's you, none of the above means your situation isn't real.
For women
0808 2000 247National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge. Free, 24 hours. Pass it on if you know someone who needs it.
Keep a record
Dates, times, what was saidContemporaneous notes matter later. Keep them somewhere the other person cannot reach.
This section exists because a men's website that only ever talks about what is done to men isn't honest, and men know it. Owning the bigger half is what makes the rest of this site worth reading.
Writing
Longer reads.
Pieces on the things that don't fit in a checklist — court, fatherhood, getting your head straight, and the men who got through it.
Keep it running
Help us keep going for you.
There is no charge for any of this and there never will be. No subscriptions, no adverts, nothing sold on. What it costs is hosting, films, printing guides, and the time to check every number on this site is still answered by a human being.
If it helped you, or it might help someone you know, a few quid keeps it here for the next man who needs it at two in the morning.
Skint? Take the guide anyway and send it to one man who needs it. That helps just as much.
Straight answers
Questions men actually ask.
What should I do first if I've been falsely accused?
Get legal representation before you give any account to anyone — not the police, not your employer, not the complainant. Don't message her. Don't delete anything from your phone. Back up your messages, call logs and location history somewhere off the device. Deleting material looks like guilt even when it isn't.
Can I get free legal advice at a police station?
Yes. Free independent legal advice at a police station is available to everyone in England and Wales, 24 hours a day, whatever you earn. Ask for the duty solicitor, or name your own firm. Take it every time, even when you're certain you can explain everything.
Is coercive control a criminal offence in the UK?
Yes. Controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship is an offence in England and Wales under section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015. It covers financial control, isolation from friends and family, monitoring someone's phone or movements, and threats — not only physical violence.
Where can men get help for domestic abuse?
The ManKind Initiative helpline is 01823 334244. The Men's Advice Line, run by Respect, is 0808 8010 327. Galop supports LGBT+ victims on 0800 999 5428. If you're in immediate danger ring 999 — and if you can't speak, listen to the operator and press 55 to be put through to police.
What if I'm worried about my own behaviour towards my partner?
Ring the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040. It's confidential, it's for men who are concerned about how they behave, and they can refer you to an accredited behaviour change programme without a court ordering it. Doing this before something happens is the most respectable move available to you.
Who can I ring if I'm suicidal?
Samaritans on 116 123, free, 24 hours a day, every day of the year. CALM on 0800 58 58 58, open every day from 5pm to midnight. Or text SHOUT to 85258 at any time if talking out loud is too much. In immediate danger, ring 999 or go to A&E. You do not have to be in crisis to ring any of them.
What is Op COURAGE?
Op COURAGE is the NHS veterans' mental health and wellbeing service in England. It's free, it's staffed by people who have served or worked with the armed forces, and it takes self-referrals as well as GP referrals. Scotland has Veterans First Point, Wales has Veterans' NHS Wales, and Northern Ireland has Inspire.
How do I apply to court to see my children?
In England and Wales you normally attend a MIAM — a mediation information and assessment meeting — first, unless an exemption applies, then apply for a child arrangements order using form C100. Start a dated contact log from today: a record written at the time carries far more weight than remembering it later.
Stay in touch